“Grief expressed out loud for someone we have lost, or a country or home we have lost, is in itself the greatest praise we could ever give them. Grief is praise, because it is the natural way love honors what it misses." - Martin Prechtel

Thanksgiving for me is a day full of mixed emotions. Warm oranges and cold blues. Infectious laughter and searing tears. Gratitude and morning. Prechtel's quote (and larger body of work) helps me hold them as sisters to be honored together. Thus, this week's blog is quite a bit different than the norm. Perhaps take a moment to breathe before reading...

Thanksgiving Day Special

College. Freshman year. First Semester. November. Sunday.

My life had already been wildly upended for the past 6 months.

So much so that I have zero need for a midlife crisis now in my 40s.

That happened when I was a teen.

Yet, when I answered the phone (back in the days of landlines), life was about to get even more wild.

My biological mom (whom I had left to join a new family) told me to sit down.

Tired of her manipulation, I told her to just tell me what's going on.

That's when I heard.

My biological dad (whom I hadn't heard from in 7 years) was in a hospital... in the town I was going to college in...

And he might not make it.

So I did indeed sit down.

The next couple of days are a jumbled mix of memories that I'll keep to myself for now.

(They display the disfunction of my family and cravings of my youth a bit too much. Plus...how may parenthesis can one story have?!?)

So let's fast forward 4 days to...Thanksgiving Day.

John (bio dad) was actually getting better. The air was hopeful. Yet full of questions. Was a relationship there possible? How?

In the morning, I went to the hospital.

By now, I knew what John looked like, but I hadn't been alone with him.

He was asleep. A tray with the hospital's version of a traditional Thanksgiving dinner was waiting for him.

I tried to will myself to touch him. I think I finally got 2 fingertips to graze the back of his hand.

After about an hour, I left the hospital to drive the 2 hours to be with my second family for the holiday.

Fast forwarding one more time to several hours later...

I'm in the kitchen making mashed potatoes with Mama T Lyn and my "forever roommates" sister Maja.

Strangely, I was in a really good mood. I'm carefree. Laughing. Maybe even singing.

Then the phone rings. (Again, landline.)

I pick up and quip off a silly hello. I can remember how it tasted in my mouth more clearly than the exact words or tone.

Then a voice I don't recognize pauses before saying, "It's probably best if I talk to Lyn."

So with a shrug I hand it over -- starting to joke again with Maja until she says...

"Shhhhh. Someone has died. I can tell from mom's face."

Then Lyn looks at me.

And I don't have to be asked to sit down.

My body does so involuntarily with a "Nooooooo....."

*****

This is one of many challenging stories in my life that I've replayed countless times in my mind, heart, and body.

How are you after reading it? How's your breath? Perhaps take a moment to consciously feel your feet?

Though I have no use for trauma porn, these lived stories ground me.

They taught me early how to have radical, critical hope.

Not "Time heals all..." Or "I'm so sorry for your loss..." kind of platitudes.

But a hope that asks for justice and kindness, accountability and compassion.

This includes not accepting the story of Thanksgiving taught in schools, shared on cards, and marketed across Turtle Island.

Alongside the praise, we need to acknowledge the grief.

And for an entire continent of people, today is a national day of mourning.

So today as you connect with loved ones...

Or gather with those that challenge you...

Or sit alone in any mix of emotions...

Please take a moment for love to honor what it misses.

Listen to what it has to say.

And offer it radical, critical hope.

An Example of Hope!

After 3 years of gestating, an ILLUSTRATED version of Earth Archetypes is about to be born.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 3, 2024

And you are invited!

Join the waitlist to get an early peek and other behind the scenes bonuses :)